S3E5 – The Bonding

Worf leads an away team and a red shirt dies. She had a young son on the Enterprise, and Wesley feels bad, because his Dad died when he was young, and Worf feels superbad because both his parents died when he was young, and the inhabitants of the planet feel superduperWAYbad about it, and why in the Hell is Jeremy the most consoled kid on the Enterprise? Seriously. I refuse to get this worked up over the death of a character with less than 10 minutes screen time, introduced this episode.

S3E4 – Who Watches The Watchers

Some cultural anthropologists are studying a proto-vulcan civilization, and the Enterprise, FLAGSHIP OF THE FUCKING FEDERATION, is on a supply run to them. A. Supply. Run.

Their generator flakes out, Leland Palmer wanders in and hurts himself, and Beverly beams him up to fix him. She’s not a ruthless bitch like Pulaski, so when she tries to mindwipe him she capital-F Fails. He goes home and tells everyone the name of God is “The Picard.”

One of the anthropologists is like “Well, fuck it. They’ve seen us, they have our dude, and they think you are god, so just go be god!” and Picard is all “No! I will not impose a set of commandments on these people!” And, like, why not? They barely have tools. They are not at the level of humanity where you can convince them you are *not* God. I mean, he tries and the episode concludes with them buying it, but I promise you if you go back in like 100 years at least some of them will still think “Picard” is the true name of God.

The rest of the Mintakans think BOB is the true name of God and they celebrate the garmonbozia.

Also, with all the advanced technology, why do the anthropologists have to Gorillas In The Mist this shit? Why you gotta set up an outpost right there in the mountains when you literally could be in space looking at them with super hidden equipment that wouldn’t be as detectable as building a holodeck in a mountain? How did you build a holodeck in the mountain to begin with without anyone noticing? What the Hell was with that backward talking midget?

S3E1 – Evolution

Beverly Crusher is back onboard the Enterprise, and good riddance to grumpy medicine. After a year apart from her son, she worries he’s too adult, all he does is study, and he should be getting in to more trouble considering he’s only 17.

And trouble he does get in to. He downloaded a lot of space porn and now the ship is infected with all sorts of malware and viruses. This threatens the lives of everyone on the ship and a scientific experiment that can only be launched once every one hundred and ninety six years. Of course, being Wesley, he did all of this by creating a new form of life in super-sentient nanites, in his sleep, because he’s a goddamned genius. In case you forgot.