Tasha dies the most pointless death in the history of television.
Picard finds himself in the middle of a hillbilly heroin deal gone bad, and uses his smug superiority – I mean, The Prime Directive – to tell both sides to just say no.
In search of the missing USS Drake, the Enterprise visits the Planet of the Arms Dealers. They leave Worf out of the Away Team because he gets his ass kicked on a regular basis and he’d be no match for automated weapons.
We get a chance to see through Geordi’s visor. It’s kinda neat but I’m not sure why it’s in this episode, which will now focus on a damaged Talarian freighter and three fugitive Klingons who will, of course, “die well,” but only after teaching Worf that he’s a giant pussy.
Lieutenant Commander Remmick comes on board and raises the douche quotient by a factor of 10. Wesley fails his Star Fleet entrance exam because he is a fan favorite and can not possibly be written off the show.
The Enterprise visits a terraforming technobabble. A laser technobabble technobabble. Scientist technobabble technobabble. Technobabble.
A legendary planet shows up and steals a handful of children from the Enterprise. In my mind, I watch an alternate episode where the children NOT kidnapped wonder why they aren’t special enough.
Admiral Grandpa calls up the Enterprise Taxi Service to take him to negotiate a hostage crisis, but en route he Dorian Gray’s his way back to youth with the help of Serum McGuffin.
Riker falls in love with a hologram. Wesley is in charge of the bridge. The Binars take the Enterprise on a joy ride. Absolutely no one plays any of this for laughs.
Seeking the survivors of a freighter accident, the Enterprise sends Commander Horny Pants, Troi, and Tasha to a matriarchal planet. Riker’s up all night for good fun, but the survivors are outlaws because they spoke up about how men are discriminated against and get no respect! God, these Men’s Rights Activists are everywhere.